Kellyanne Conway Files for Divorce, Returns to Work for Trump

The political world was upended a few weeks ago when Kellyanne Conway quit her work as counselor to our dear leader, President Donald Trump, to focus on rebuilding her relationship with her husband, George, and her daughter, Claudia.

That idyllic family picture didn’t last long.

Kellyanne shocked friends and family with her announcement that she has filed for divorce from George and she’s returning to help Trump win a second term in the White House.

“I tried. I tried to pretend like I care about anything but power and my orange lord and savior. But I couldn’t do it. Trump is the only real man I admire. So, I’m out,” Kellyanne announced on Hannity’s show last night.

Estranged husband George was seen tossing Kellyanne’s expensive designer wardrobe and huge make-up collection that she stole from clown school out on the front lawn of their Chevy Chase mansion. Daughter Claudia recorded the whole scene on her phone and she is said to be shopping the video around to sites like TMZ, People magazine, and OAN.

Claudia told her dearest friends that her mom used to be a pleasant person with a functioning moral compass. But when she went from working for Ted Cruz and trashing Trump — calling him “vulgar” and “unpresidential” and dissing him for refusing to release his tax returns — to becoming a bootlicking Trump sycophant, Claudia lost all respect for her mom.

Conway family spokeswoman Sandy Batt tipped back a Miller Lite and said, “Did anyone *really* think she could stay away from Trump? No way.”

George told friends that he’s hugely relieved to be rid of his toxic wife.

He said that he popped the most expensive bottle of Champagne from the Conway clan wine cellar, burned Kellyanne’s bedside table copy of “The Art of the Deal,” and put a dating profile online. His only requirement? “No alternative facts allowed.”

4 Comments

  1. Mark A Traina September 17, 2020
  2. Mark A Traina September 17, 2020
  3. Anonymous September 17, 2020
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